I'm sorry to type more words at you today. Honest to Jeezaz, I feel really dreadful about it. But I'm doing it now, and like a half finished wank, I can't stop until I'm done otherwise it'll stress me out and probably make me sleep with someone that I don't really like.
Well, not really like that, but you understand.
So, I'm a total crybaby. Had you noticed? I just noticed. I was sitting at Jacks, shooting heroin into my eyeballs and smoking a hench crack pipe whilst enjoying a pure codeine enema (all at the same time, obviously) when I realised that I'm getting depressed about nothing.
Obviously, depression is a whimsical creature and sometimes sneaks up on you when everything should be lovely and sunny and sparkly with glittery flecks of joy - but I tend to let myself sink into it.
I made a video a couple years ago about CBT, and how it might help to stop me wallowing in shitty feelings. I'm naturally prone to dithering in it as I most of my life from 8 to 18 years old feeling alternately like shit, and then like someone told me I was a billionaire with a fast track pass to Disney World.
But I realised that I don't need CBT. I need to stop being a soppy shit stick with no back bone and get on with shit instead of dehydrating myself with tears and thinking of glorious ways to top myself that would both amaze and stun the world, and earn me a world record at the same time so that I can die in a blaze of miserable glory.
My sentences are too long.
This might be the lack of depression right at this moment talking... and I'll see how it goes before I cave and ask the doctor for one of the -pam family drugs, but bare with me.... I'll start being funny again one day.
It's your blog you can cry if you want to. Just know you are not alone and I'm sure there are a lot people who care about you. Have a nice night!
ReplyDeleteInside every sad person you will find a disappointed idealist.
ReplyDeleteI know I don't have all the answers, well to be honest sometimes wonder if I have any answers at all. But let me say this, that you are not the only one that depression can sneak up upon and only if we all talk about the problem will more people understand and be there to help.
ReplyDeleteFor some odd reason the fog has descended on me this evening, oddly typing this is helping, no idea why. Part it may be that just a few days left with my little one till she heads back state side.
Your humour helps lighten many hearts that will share a sense of sorrowfulness if ever you are feeling down Tam. Hope this will be a cheer.
ReplyDeleteWe all deal with depression it happens a lot to me. So go ahead and let it out .
ReplyDeleteSentences are never too long. Ever.
ReplyDelete