American Visit! Fancy Hanging Out With Me?

Alright lady friends, let's go through this.

I'm coming to America, for about 10 or 11 days. Probably around the 12th August to the 22nd. I'll most likely come in at JFK!

So, here are my stops.

1. New York
2. Florida
3. Tennessee
4. Oklahoma
5. Texas
6. Southern California

Here's what I'm asking for: $150 for FIVE HOURS with me, plus you buy me some breakfast, lunch or dinner while I'm with you, or my mood will suffer and I'll beat you up in the street.

Here are the terms and conditions:

• No sex. 
• I will carry a weapon and delight in killing you with it if you annoy me. 
• A deposit of $50 must be made once the plans are secure and a date is assigned to you so that I can book the flight!
• Failure to make payment will result in you being killed.
• Failure to buy me breakfast/lunch/dinner will result in you being killed.
• Don't be awkward.

Send an email to wtfgtfoplz@hotmail.com to register interest or book yourself in. Also... delight me with tales of American Mcdonalds... the cheeseburgers are so fat and cheesy.

***NEW CAMFREEBAY BLOG... THIS IS WHERE I'LL BE FROM NOW ON! ***

http://www.camfreebay.com/blog/ukgamegirl/

Grumpy Morning POF Profile

As always, remember that 'Hey', 'Hi', or indeed, 'Hello' will get you ignored... Because Screw You, that's why.

Just so you're aware, for the majority of people on here that message me I'd rather scoop out my own eyeballs and fill the sockets with jam and cream cheese, whilst rubbing my boobs against the hairy bumcrack of a lifelong smack head than actually spend one second of my time typing a word out that you'll benefit from reading.

I hate your faces. Your flabby attempts at six packs. The way you have NO GODDAMN IDEA what the difference is between 'your' and 'you're'. I absolutely hate your ridiculous and generic hobbies, likes and dislikes. I hate the way that you put 'music' and 'movies' as your interests... when I've never once spoken to someone who DIDN'T like any music or movies. They're the main forms of worldwide entertainment, you tit, of course you like them.

I hate when you ask if I want to chat, asking my permission to converse when you've already gone ahead and spammed my inbox with your bullcrap ramblings, so asking for permission is essentially pointless.


I like gamers, people that message once and then don't keep bothering me, bikers under 25 that still have hair. People that DON'T have their snapchat name on their profile because what kind of bottom feeding, pathetic little ballbag sucker actually just gives out their facebook, number or whatsapp? ANY thunder thighed, sperm burping gutter slut could call you. Are you so desperate that you're going to cast your net that damn wide? You're a fool, and a feeble one at that.

My mood suffers when I'm hungry in the mornings. You may or may not be able to tell. I'm really a lovely person, or whatever.

***NEW CAMFREEBAY BLOG... THIS IS WHERE I'LL BE FROM NOW ON! ***

http://www.camfreebay.com/blog/ukgamegirl/

Fuck Marine POF Profile

Oh, hey there, fart farmers.

Before we begin, know that if you just message 'Hey' or 'Hi' or, indeed, 'Hello', I'll ignore you. And please don't ask me how I am. You don't wanna know.

So, obviously I'm a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, hence why I'm giving up my day job to be a Marine Hunter. Yes, that's right, I'm going to plant attractive women on Plenty of Fish and wait until marines make plans and then start ignoring them on the day of aforementioned planned event. (By the way, mate, I fancy your friend with the dragon snake tattoo...) And then string them upside down by their ankles and feed them laxatives until they assplode in a shower of steriods, protein shake, chicken and wholemeal rice.

You're a dude, right, so you don't understand. But that is what they do. And then they just stay out of your way for the rest of your life, and ignore your messages... Like sackless, scrotum sucking, bumcrack snifflers.

WHY?!

Only the Baby Jeebus knows why, my friends. These are the men employed to have balls to save us from other dudes with balls... and they can't even let a girly down gently. But I'm quite finished being messaged by flakes, faggots, fatties and men who wear aviators and pout. 

There. I said it.